Poem - A TRAVELER'S PRAYER by ROBERT HUDSON

A TRAVELERS PRAYER

Written by Robert Hudson

executed 2008

As the moon dawns

in an endless sky

can we actually see heaven

with the naked eye?

Or dose the sky have a ceiling

The universe an end?

A point where you come to a door

but afraid to walk in

The soul constantly searches

for the meaning of life

The body constantly searches

for fun and delights

The mind constantly tries

to find balance for the two

to become one with oneself

is not easy to do.

The search for infinity

In a finite world is like

Trying to find an oyster

with the perfect black pearl

I look for things

As I search for my own soul

for the meaning of Life

the Ultimate goal

I’ve asked women, men

I’ve asked our God above

Why are we such slaves?

of our fears and our loves

Our vices, devices,

gadgets and tricks

fears and hates

seem to tell us this.

To become one with onself

Once must obtain a level of

un-selfish giving of the

bread on the table

of the wine in the glass

and the knowledge to see

and the wisdom to define

what all of this means.

The Journey is not yours and yours alone

The journey is ours for we all want to go home

Poem by Robert Hudson

2008

Probs at Polunsky

The food was better than thanksgiving! Guys are being put on level 3 cells with NOTHING! Wilkins and Cobb are on level with Nothing,,NO mat, No clothes, No toilet paper, Nothing over 12 days. Officers covered the doorup so no one could see in the cell. Wheres the humanity yes they broke the rules but the admin, is braking the laws!! They are going to take our multi outlets cuz they can. They are taking our ear plugs so now it will be ward to block out the noise. Officers open and close doors every 30 minutes slamming gates, that will be bad. Help us complain to the ombudsman. I am calling out asking for help, Please leave a comment telling me you will help speak out with us.

Thank you to all you who left a message or sent a card at christmas to me I love all the encouragement, Your support is truly helpful.

Will speer

sample letter to send
sample letter to send to the following please write separate letters to each of the following, or fax also put your name and address and sign and date your letters, thankyou

Texas Department of Criminal Justice
Executive Director
Brad Livingston
PO Box 99
Huntsville TX 77342
Phone: 936-437-2101
Fax: 936-437-2123
　
and
　
Deputy Executive Director
Bryan Collier
PO Box 99
Huntsville
TX 77342
  Phone: 936-437-6251
Fax: 936-437-8925

and

Ombudsman
Debra Booker
PO Box 99
Huntsville
TX 77342

Phone: 936-437-8035
Fax: 936-437-8067

　
It seems that the situation deteriorates more and more at the Polunsky Unit. The living conditions are already very difficult and do not respect human dignity; a minimum right to be accorded to all. Riots take place regularly every day due to protests of prisoners certainly, but every day, a shocking and unnecessary rule is imposed to oppress some more prisoners. Be aware that some staff do not accept the idiocy and absurdity of a person's behavior and excessive unhealthy named Mc Mullin, the new Major!

It is time to react and make the right decisions to curb the escalation of violence and harassment at the Polunsky Unit. Deprivation of personal effects, drastic reduction in food, delay in the mail, excessive use of tear gas, cut hot water, manic behavior of some staff are... well recognized. However, it is not necessary to add more to what is already inhuman. Keep in mind that these are men and women convicted, innocent perhaps for some of them, and serving their sentences or await death, the punishment was given and is applied. Needless to treat them worse.
As an authority, you must set an example to be credible in the eyes of all. Be aware that the spotlight is focused on Polunsky Unit more and more...
I personally ask you to take immediate actions to stop this unacceptable situation.
I appreciate your attention to this critical matter and look forward to hearing from you.
　
　
"All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights"
Section 1 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

Character

After thinking about it, it does not have to be only romantic but just love. Yet we are taught about Hate only because it must be identified- See to “lie or to hate never has to be taught they are natural Human (reactions)

I remember as a boy I lied out of fear, I was not taught to lie and hate comes from jealousy, at the root of it anway. I had been taught and learned so much about race, Yet it is my choice to act in the end-- positive or negative. I am Not a racist, but I am very prejudice. I Hate stupid people-- Its about character, either you are good people, or your not! There are bad people in all races and action does not define who one is! To judge is easy to walk in their shoes is another issue all together. SO take care and think about it.

Will Speer

Love

Love is many things to many people. But the Romantic love has no boundarys, no Race, No age, no Gender. Only in ones mind do boundaries excist. It is proven time and time again, sure we can get in to ideologys about right and wrong but again they are boundarys that are imposed, due to religion or law, yet the love still is there. So let us be right or let us be wrong,but above all Let Us Love.

Today They Killed A Man

They killed L.Brewer Aka Butters they killed him because he was apart of a violent murder, the dragging of a man chained to a truck, they made it a Race Crime and in a way it was but not what people think or believe. What it really had to do with character, and they took it to an extreme, under the Ideology you wrong me so I can do you no wrong, it is understod, Like to nuke a paper boat, totally over kill- But Butters was not the person he was made out to be,. He was funny and he will be missed very much. RIP Butters

Worsening Conditions

Well its happening. The dam is crashing down, a few days ago C.Wilkens (Cujo) tried to dart a Lt, he’s just had enough, no pictures on the walls, not even on large envelopes, they call it contraband, nit pick, nit pick, you say no pictures on the wall so a guy puts them on a envelope and they want to take it and call it contraband. With all the other things I've been saying he's gone gone off.

The food is getting worse too, what is sad I found out today they did not feed cujo for 3 days I know all about the “punishment tactics” they use here. You ask for elp and nobody knows cuz they stop your mail, no I-60s grievance get through anyway, or delayed– like in A-19 cell its the law that ALL inmates have access to use a fan. But they deny access to an electrical plug because they say its a level 3 cell, well even level 3 needs an electrical plug for the use of the fan!

I am filing on it now, my step 2 will go out this week!

PEOPLE COME ON AND HELP US! DON’T JUST READ IT AND DO NOTHING, COMPLAIN TO THE OMBUDSMAN WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT WE ARE HELPLESS WE NEED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Always with my best to you and Yours
Will

The New Major

The new major has come in with his rules and his ways as I said before it only gets worse not better. No passing anything, not a book, not a magazine, not a newspaper, no food nothing. All to make our lives more ( difficult) punishment because there are people out there who HATE, people who do not want us to even have a stamp to write our Mothers! That was from Rob Wills case, the Mother of the man. Others said, we should not have anything but a bible and death. Again Warden Lester was in that Group! He’s gone now so who know’s what will happen. But nit picking is pushing people to violence again, they cant take it, dont put your wet clothes up, put on your tshirt at rec even outside with record breaking heat, 24 days in a row of 100 plus temp 103- 107, don’t cover your window, even though covering the window helps keep heat out, just like people put window screens in their cars! And medical is so slow now it takes a month to see medical then once we see them we still dont get the help we asked for. Its very frustrating

Administration

Things have been building up here, This administration has been doing all type of stuff to opress us. Over the last 6-9 months they’ve taken our razors because of something that happened on another unit, they closed the slot on the showers, what messed up on that is they are stuffy with mould growing on the walls and people with asthma or just have a hard time breathing sometimes really have the worst! I know there has been a few times I got dizzy and needed that cool air to help me. I know what my problems come from (my high blood pressure) then they drilled holes in the plexiglass window and that helped not as good as we’d like but it’s far better than nothing. Another bad thing on that closing the slots is now theres no place to put our towels and boxers, so I talked to the warden (lester) and dont you know this dude told me to put my stuff on the floor, I’m like are “are you serious” and he was, so we still have to wrestle with that issue, as theres nothing to hang our things on in the shower. We’ll see maybe this new Major will help?

They're Welding The Cell Doors

I woke up to grinding and went to the door to see what is going on, well the welding team is on the pod welding up all the cell doors rat hole, it was a hole at the bottom of the door we would put our trash out of, now we have to hold on to it and put it out when they open the door or open the bean slot/tray slot. Just another thing to make life difficult.

Poem - SAIL

Sail

As I lay here my mind sails and my heart soars

Dreams are born, thoughts gone wild

Love is at hand, Deny never never land

Pitched in the wishing well my feelings swell

To be bold and strong, Dominate and master.

You will sacrifice the slave faster

To lift up the weak and adore the meak

Smile and laughter this we are after,

by letter or mail let it all sail

~ Written by Will Speer ~
16th August 2011

Poem - SAD

SAD

Darkness and Misery,

these are the things that haunt me,

and leave me shaking.

Violence and Murder

are the offspring of pain, in my ears

I hear the violins shaming.

Emotions of joy and love,

never are your wishes to bring.

Only revenge and hate,

are what you desire to cling

Vengeance is the name your scream,

yet it's the devils Band in which you sing.

Come one, come all for,

it's the last sight you'll see,

of this Human Being

~ Written by Will Speer ~
24th July 2011

Forgiveness

It is really sad how some of us can be happy for another human being getting killed. Mark Stroman was killed yesterday and there were people who were happy about it. You know there’s a couple things on that one, what does it really say about the so called normal person who was happy about that? Chew on that!
But, I’ll tell yo this, there was a guy here whom used to get me shook down all the time to get my cell tore up, and he would blow the power out when a couple of us would listen to shows together. I had so much anger, towards this guy, that I had said when he gets a date I’m going to throw a spread to celebrate….Well guess what he got a date and I didn’t throw a spread. So I said when they kill him I’ll do it– well it came down to the last day and they took him out to go kill him and even though I still didn’t like the dude I could not bring myself to celebrate.. now that's good but what’s even better is he got a last min stay and is still alive to this day, and you know what I still don’t like the guy but I don’t hate him and I don’t wish him death! Really I forgive him and move on.

Now for Mark Stroman I saw him on the 16th 4 days before his date and he was smiling so big he was happy, and not letting this drag him down, that smile and that memory will be how I remember Mark Stroman. But for some the horrible memory they will have is of him dying and being dead on the gurney. I hope nothing but the best for all the familys’ that have lost a loved one to the State Killing them.

Much Love
Will Speer

Another Ghostly Vision

Around 7.45pm I had just finished reading book 3 in the (shadow of the apt) series and was laying there, when I went to cross my leg over my knee, I saw the small form of someone on their hands and knees with their head down raising their head to look up, then I blinked and it was gone! Now that's a little spooky but what ever it was I saw something !

Ghostly Visit from a Death Row Friend?

It was around 6.50pm I was laying down trying to nap until mail call, well as I laid there, I didn't feel asleep but I had a real sluggish feeling and my vision was not working properly and I heard someone call my name Big Will, the voice seemed kind of far but yet I Knew the voice or I felt familiar with it but could not quite pin who's voice it was and then I was up on a balcony looking out into like a haze of Darkness there as a presence a form, yet without form, like a light a presence of energy. I felt familiar with it and then I knew somehow someone was coming then. I snapped out of the daze. I laid there thinking of what just happened trying to think of how to put into words what I saw and then the door popped and an officer came through checking on me and I thought, is that who I knew was coming? I don't know who that familiar light of energy was but I wonder Tiny....I just wonder.

Just Another Day

Not a lot going on still on lock down. Jonny’s only leave you hungry but not starving now.

The new major here showing his face. The water was off almost all day today… got turned back on or should be back on around 4am of the 13th, as it’s 3:12 and they said its about to come on soon! So that’s that, now why, well 2 stories officers say it was a pipe here at the unit maintenance say it was the water comp putting in a new filter who knows! Come on water and come on jonny’s I’l tell y’all living in a room with a toilet is a blessing and a curse. Blessing cuz its always just right there, curse because it is just right there and you cant get away from it! Ppwwwwwwwwwwuuuuu! I turned in a grievance cause of the plate over the electrical plug…. not giving me a cell power! You should write the ombudsman about it, that, because my complaints don’t count

Roller-Coaster of Life

Well I’m still here riding the roller-coaster of life. Man this thing is crazy! Up and down with some serious twist and turns, fast then slow well some times I don’t know if I’m going forward or backward sometimes I get so confused. But my confusion only comes due to lack of information! Sooooooo with that we put one foot forward and move on. Angel Will has got a few bumps and bruises but I’m ok.
       
We have a lot of changes that will becoming her soon, A new Major, Don’t know his name yet. I only know hes Black and from Dyball (?) 600 man unit , boy is he in for a rude awakening with this place. But I am interested in meeting him. As the minister who used to come see me worked there as the Chaplin but he does not come here any more, something to do with his $ got cut off from the church so thats that. (sad face) I miss Tom but anyway.
       
Also warden Lester has gone, so now we got a new warden coming and a new major, well see how that goes! I hope well but it’s always bad we’l lose something else that their way of showing authority, to take and take and take, look what can I do. Not happy there, anyway, but on a positive side, my I.D was lost and thats not the positive. What is the Sgt who looked into it knows it is not my fault and is going to see about helping me get a special stamp spend so that is a good thing! Yay! Something good for Angel Will (smile) I am also looking forward to level one. I will have been on level for over 8 months! I miss the radio and sports and seriously I miss my dictionary sooo bad! It was rather surprising to me to know all these words yet blunder over spelling them. I’m so much a better talker than I am a writer- Theres no, or (parenthesis) or anything in talking. Ok I stop myself sound stupid, but it is good I can poke fun at myself besides it’s better I poke fun at myself than you, cuz if you poke me I’l either laugh cuz im ticklish or try to bite you cuz you poked me the wrong way lol I’m like a dough boy poke giggle giggle and I used to go by (stay puff) like the marshmallow man from ghost buster lol . But I quit going by that cuz of well (personal sad reasons) If you ask me I’l tell you. It’s just not for here! Anyway not much else on my mind so I guess I’ll go and draw a little and then read Oh did I write we are on lock down yes, they locked the unit down on june 5dth word is 30 days OMG! I hope not I’l hate it living on jonneys will not make me a happy camper. Il keep you posted

by Angel Will

Lee Andrew Taylor - Final Statement - Rest in Peace

Lee Andrew Taylor aka Tiny

8th January 1979 - 16th June 2011

Lee's Final Statement

(click to view full size)

REST IN PEACE

Tiny

I dont want to be writing this. I have been through a total plethora of emotions today, worry, anger, sadness and sorrow.
     
But let me start at the point to lead up to this On 15th may I’d worked on a jaguar set to have it ready for visit pick up. It was done, I wrote an awesome friend talked about the guy Balentine, getting a stay and was really excited thinking my friend was going to get a stay too! (Lee Taylor) Deep Sigh!!
       
I finished writing in a really good mood and went to read my book, now this was all technically starte on the 14th because I’m a night owl, I enjoy peace and quiet to focus and do stuff, anyway, as the night wears on breakfast comes and goes eggs and biscuits yum. I read on all the while thinking in my head about 3 things 1. Getting these drawings out and into property for my visit of the 16th 2. Getting my level 2 property and containers as Ive been level 2 for over a week since the 9th and 3. Once again trying to get some help because as I have said on the hand restraints. When I say I am being tortured I mean it. I have bruises and marks on both hands that do not go away where the hand cuffs are cutting into my flesh. The day goes on the only thing I get is my property picked up but at least I got that. As I am excited about a visit and I will be able to be there with my friend and not say a forever goodbye but a good bye, or so I thought (you’ll see keep reading) I crash out around 1.30p, then get up at just before 8pm as the officers ask me for a shower yes-well they have to wait on a Sgt. So almost 2 hours roll around finally a Sgt. Shows up Mr. Beverly the one I punched in the face- Well we go to shower come back, I talk with the Sgt everythings cool, we had already talked the day before also now on into the night I write my friend and go and read– Oops now breakfast of the 16th june was eggs and buiskets, the day before was pancakes, anyway I tell the officers hey I got a visit today can I please have an early shower before my visit at around 9.30ish is when I expected it, well it gets going around 7am I go to shower and come back and I wait well I’ve been up all the nite so I’m starting to get alittle sleepy so around 8.30am Iput my book down and lay down to take a little nap.
       
I woke up around 9.15am cuz the gate pops, the officers are just doing a walk through, ok still a little time I’l just lay back down and wait, Well I fall back to sleep and now it’s 10.15am when I woke up, and as soon as I see the time I get worried! Now I’m up, they come with lunch, hamburger patty mash potato’s and green beans, I’ll eat a few bites to hold me until visit. A little after 11 I get mad, they have slow bucked on me all the while I keep hoping they will show up. I hear people come and go on the pod but nothing for me 12. 0′clock 12.30 its too late hes gone, they have taken him! I am hurt, I just wanted to be there with my friend and say good bye, 1- 1.20pm rolls around I’m crushed My visitor was denied. I know it cuz they (rank) was worried I’d do something. So they just took my visit. Im tired I’ll deal with it later. Just before 7pm someone calls my name Yeah! I holler. “They got Tiny!” (Lee Taylor) I didn’t say anything I’m stunned he was supposed to get a stay “Did you hear me I said Tiny! He said again. I force myself to reply yeah I heard you I heard you. I just laid down and tried to go back to sleep, I couldn’t I was just like numb I felt nothing yet I felt everything all at the same time, so I laid there and started talking to Tiny “Man you were supposed to get a stay” (tears) Damn it Hold on I cant see I’m crying!) Anyway I talked a little more and just laid there, then I heard this whistle kind of far away a weird whistle almost like a bird and I just thought of Tiny, like I knew it was him somehow and then as I laid in bed I could hear someone’s radio and the song was creep by Radiohead, great song, I Like it a lot, anyway As I'm listening to it and singing along Its over some other good song comes on, and I was like ohhhhhhhhh Tiny’s playing some good tunes now lol, but the words from the creep song that stuck in my head were “I dont belong here” (tears) Dam it hold on I cant see again) Tiny believed in spiritualism and reincarnation well I was teasing him, he'd come back as a grasshopper cuz he ate one, and he tried to get me too but I didn’t so he talked me into eating a yellow jacket instead, I know I know, shut up, but anyway as I was crying I thought about that and I started laughing “Tiny your not going to be a grasshopper your going to be a bird that eats grasshoppers,” as I thought about that bird sound I had heard earlier and then the song so maybe just maybe its true or its what my mind wants to be true or whatever but I have peace and I’m ok still hurts to lose a friend (tears again) but its ok, as my friend Mark says, I’m Ok you're Ok! I'ts from some book he read a long time ago.

Anyway Tiny you free now No more of this hell No more pain, sorrow none of the things that bind us here anymore. I really feel you are free to see the universe vast, open and wide, go enjoy bro—I'll miss you my friend and I’ll always love you.

Will Speer

Poem - PASSION IN YOU

PASSION

The Beauty that is in your visage

Radiance of loveliness in your eyes.

The softness and elegance of your cheeks

Grace and delicacy lie within the curves of your lips,

Where the taste of sweetness is so delightfully exquisite.

I find myself yearning for your touch

to hear the soothing melody your voice is to my ears,

for the desire I find burning within,

is a flame longing to be expressed.

As the moth I am drawn to it’s allure.

The appeal can not be denied,

For the attraction is unmistaken.

Excitement replenishes my soul,

and my heart flutters with a new cadence.

My presence is purified with the pleasure I find in you.

~ Written by Will Speer ~

5th June 2011

Reality

Reality -  I live in a dangerous place here on Tx. Death row and I’m not even talking about the inmates. The Guards, Rank, the administration.  I have learned when they put the eye on you—They put the eye on you.  Nothing leaves the unit, they do not want to, as in Mail, letters and writings. Nor does it go to where it is sent. Hell even the O.I.G does not even respond.  I wrote a letter and sent an I-60 never heard anything. I wrote a grievance on the 10th, never got a reply. Sent 2 I-60’s asking if my grievance was received. Nothing.   A number of us are all trying to be out at visit on the16th for Lee Taylors Date of Execution 3 of us at visit last night, so they put us all down at the end and even gave us some chit chat time. How nice all so they could try to see what was going on — Well I’m here to tell you, nothings going on it’s all just what it is  — Friends just wanting to be there for another friend.  Nobody is plotting anything bad, we just want to say our goodbyes.

Taylor doesn’t want anybody tripping for him. He’s ready to go, so believe I will honor my friends wishes and be on my best behaviour. Hey I even tried to get my Mohawk cut off today to show I am not tripping. The Mohawk to me is the symbol of rebellion and war (protest) Like the Indians war paint.  My war is over.. I have 3 friends on Death watch now.  It’s sad but this is where we live…
This evening is one of my more depressing nights. You know I can’t even see a psych Dr. Hell no they sort stopped by I-60 requesting to talk to him. So now I can’t even get mental help either.  I guess I should go write about the ghosts now, maybe later. (smile)

I talked to the nurse today. Now security is once again using the restraints as a punishment, because of Sgt. Beverly. Security says it’s a medical issue. The Dr. gives me the pass. So security short stops it. I guess I have not been tortured enough consequences. The sad thing on that is the ones who make these calls are sitting behind a desk somewhere.   I pay for it, the Officers pay for it, all while they sit back and watch. I can act cruel but I am not a cruel person. Sometimes I say or write things out of emotion like the spite that is only going to get people hurt who don’t even know what’s going on. There is a time for violence I see that I  believe that. But, there is a time to talk and all  out violence was not, is not the answer.
Let us hope the next few days bring positive change, for us all

Until Next time
Will

Stay posted who knows what type of crazy stuff I might write next.

They Hurt Me

21st March 2011, it was around 10 minutes to 5pm and the guy in the dayroom started shouting 6 man team on the pod!  Then the section gate popped Into F. That is where I live on 2 row 8/cell. And they are coming up the stairs looking my way. Then they turned and go down the run to the 2 row cross over that joins E and F section. They cross over to stand in front of 70 cell they have the gas mask and gas cans ready to go with the extraction team all suited up, Helmets and pads with a Lg. Shield.
       
 They order Lee Taylor down out of the window and to the front of his cell for a strip search and removal out of 70 cell.
         
Why are they doing this to him? Because the State of Texas wants to kill him and they gave him a date for June 16th, Why did they have to bring the extraction team? Because he asked to see the sunset!  In Death watch there is a building there so you can’t look out to watch the sunset.  He stripped out and came out of his cell, now he is refusing to walk.. So they pick him up and take a few steps then drop him and pile on top! He’s shouting “I only wanted to watch the sunset!!!  This is crazy Big Will” Because I was shouting to get off of him. I was helpless to help him. As they picked him back up and started walking down the run to the top of the stairs, he was shouting “your breaking my wrist, your braking my wrist” and was thrashing to make them stop hurting him. They drop him at the top step (T, Tully) says “well if you’d just walk”, showing they were trying to hurt him and cause him pain.  I was shouting, God knows what  because I was so overcome with emotion I was crying and shouting what I remember – “I will make you pay” and you are taking him so they can kill him.  I wanted out of my cell so bad to try and help my friend…. I grabbed the door through the screen and began to pull and pull and pull jerking the door until my hands and fingers bleed.  I watched them carry him down the stairs head first.. I was crying and could not shout any more, his last words were of Love for his friends.  I could not even shout back, I was so over come with emotions.  (Big Will, Rick, Tool, Mark, Psycho, then  he was gone!
         
I could only cry and pace my floor like a caged animal.  I could only think of how helpless and sad I was to watch my friend be done that way.   How humane was that?  He just wanted to watch the sunset…. And they call us the monsters!!!!  What would it have hurt to let him stay there another hour or 2. He was going to go peacefully… He just wanted to watch his last sunset!  To see the sky line full of color and beauty. The trees just setting it off perfectly as the blues changed into pinks, purples, oranges and yellows and the sun slowly creeping out of sight. That was all he wanted to see… I did watch it and I’ve never seen a sunset more beautiful before and he didn’t get to see it… I know the sunset calmed him and gave him peace. It gave him a feeling of life and all that was alive.

So I know for him he lost a lot more than just a sunset… He lost the very thing he had grasped on to over the years. Which was the sun taking away with it all his worry, pains, frustrations and fears as it set… And for me a sunset will never be JUST a sunset again…

My regards and respects to you and yours!
Sincerely
Will Speer

2nd June 2011

Here I was in pain putting on a good show of being happy and actually I was, because yesterday I got to see a Doctor, I thought we had made some real progress.. He put me on 800 mg of Ibuprofen, 3 times a day. Big help there, but, it doesn’t tell us why I’m having this pain. I am to have some lab work one. I know he is going to check my potassium levels before he puts me on that pill.
       
On my Blood pressure when I had just got out of bed and went to medical was 160/77 and an 86 pulse, Now to me those are the best numbers I’ve had in a long time, but, I had just got out of bed too. So I wonder how much it goes up after I’ve been up for a while and my leg swells up and all that good stuff, and he said he was renewing my restraints. So I asked the nurse when do I get my pass and she told me Oh there is a problem with that I go Huh?  she said, Yeah the “Rank” and I’m like what? so she walks off saying she doesn’t have any control over it.
       
What we have here is a failure to communicate! Some people you just can’t reach , Security says it’s a medical issue, so I go to medical to fix the issue 22 days it took but ok and now Medical tells me is security WTF!!!!

Deep sigh!!! we shall see.

31st May 2011

Here I sit waking  up drinking my cold coffee from breakfast. Hey don’t knock it, it works just the same lol.
Well sick call just came through and I did get another sick call slip The Nurse said, she would try to get the Dr. to request to get me pulled out today, we’ll see, but as I have been writing, on the 14th I wrote how a nurse came to my door and I thought I was going to get some help, she never even logged it in the computer, so the meds will not come as she didn’t talk to a Doctor. So I’ve been waiting on something that’s never coming ….. deep sigh,
       
You know all the nurses tell me you are not getting medical help because you are being bad. So they deny me medical help because I protest! Because I was willing to do the extreme to be heard, I would fight back…..I did not just go and sit on my bunk and accept the way things were, I stepped out to make a difference .
         
Self sacrifice…  I’ve lost pen pals, I’ve lost my main support all gone because they could not understand. No would not understand. They would tell me let someone else do it, or I can not support you because you are rebelling against good people who only work there. You catch cases you fight back. I do not know who you are!
       
Huh?!!  What?!!  Are you serious wow! I was stunned but all I can say is it hurts and it hurts my commissary but I am the one who lives here You don’t.! If I have to be a puppet to get your help, I don’t need it! I’ll make it.
       
Please understand I am not an ungrateful man, I am thankful for so much but to be controlled for commissary and live in a place that I get no medical help when I need it, the place is nasty. I go to the shower and it smells like mildew!  There is rust all over the door and door frame. I so wish I could get a picture of how the inside of my shower looks and put a scratch and sniff sticker on it, so you can get the full effect. I’ve got a good humor but still nasty is nasty.
         
Right  now I’m just feeling a little don and it is really depressing Maybe I’ll get medical help we’ll see. I’ve been battling with high blood pressure for over a couple years now but It really got bad when I would get dizzy just from a light work out, or go to the shower and feel like I’m going to fall out. I did fall out one time in my cell and it was the day I almost fell out in the shower. I told the officer but he did not tell anybody cuz “I was busy and forgot he says, so by the time 4 hours had past I fell out they found me on the floor as they were passing out trays. Sad and scary too..
         
I need people  “out there” to help us “in here” because as long as it stays on the unit level nothing will change. But that goes back to spite. Again back on the 14th  I had jacked the run to get help and it worked. Well now the powers that be told the nurses DO NOT GIVE out ibuprofen anymore only a Dr. can give it out. How sad is that, “do not help the trouble maker”  Do not pull Speer out of his cell, he might do something! (Protest) but they will not use that word cuz that brings understanding as to why. So they ignore the elephant in the room and just say I’m trouble, a problem, all they can do to down play my actions of protest.  When all the while I am screaming for help!
         
Please help us! help me! Well I waited all day  its after 4.20pm, so no medical for me today. Put off Put off, Put off !!!

The protest continues
Will

Poem - FREEDOM IN YOU

FREEDOM IN YOU

I am so lonely without you

Yearning for you, desiring you

My heart beats for you

My soul longs for you

My Dreams fly with you,

Wanting to hold you and kiss you.

Snuggle with you

To feel your breath against my neck

To feel the softness of your lips and tenderness of your caress

I wait for you  to take all my fears, pains, guilt,

Sorrows and shame

To feel the warmth that only you can fill me with

To know I have life in you,

No worries, No doubts with you.

To trust you fully and completly

Come to me, for you are my world my everything

Break these chains that bind me and free me to  save with you

~ Written By Will Speer ~

30th May 2011

In Honor to Will's Aunt Pat

I’m feeling a bit all over the place right now lots and lots of stuff to write about but my hand is no match for my brain (smile) it just can’t keep up
         
Well I got a visit last night wooo hoooo!!!!  Yes, Aunt Pat and Uncle David! It was a surprise visit too, Uncle David got me lots of goodies.  My Aunt Pat bless her heart, it is so hard on her to come up here as she is very sick and she’s taking medication to help her, yet it’s hurting her also as it makes her immune system weak. What breaks my heart the most is she’s scared, sure she’s scared of the unknown like we all are. But she is scared of breaking her promise to me!
         
She promised me years ago that she would always be there for me and don’t you know she has. Just like now she’s there for me, even when her body does not allow it. That is what means the world to me she’s not breaking a promise to me and I love her 100x more because she is such an awesome woman!  You know she has taught me so much over the years about strength and what real courage is, she taught me about true loyalty, of sticking through to the end.  Today when the times get hard, people just bail and leave you holding the bag, but that’s not what she taught me. And love my family couldn’t do it right for each other. Both Mon and Dad remarried a few times, yet through all the ummm (bad) times she was there and through all the good times she was there and even through all the inbetween times guess what she was there. She’s been my friend, my Mom for so long… I just want to honor her and say I LOVE YOU AUNT PAT,  with all my heart. You are my Rock and you always will be.

25th May 2011

  I am out on the rec yard thinking of how I am going to protest today. My legs are swollen and hurting, I can get no medical help they put the off and put me off, and as I’m walking around the Rec Yard (Outside F-POD) (On Monday Level 3 and 2’s do rec restriction). The guy on the other side, kicks a dead bird to my side of the rec.yard as there is a metal divider of heavy duty mesh and bars. I said, that’s still out here?
         
I protested on the 17th and talked of that very issue, Unsanitary conditions! They do not clean the Rec.yard at all only when they are made to do it. Stating they do not have enough help. Well they will not allow US to go out and clean it, so we NEED someone else to. Yet they ignore it. So at the end of my rec.after I stripped out. I pulled my left arm bacn in once the officer put one of the hand restraints on it. “wow look at that, how did that get there big smile. Ive made up my mind my protest is handcuffing myself to the chin up bar. Sgt Vagina (swine oops thats what the inmates call him) Sgt valentine came out there with the team all suited up to gas me. He ordered me to submit the hand restraints. Knowing I could not comply with that order because they wanted to gas me, but because I was not able to comply with the order, they came out with the spray can of gas and told me if I resisted I would be gassed. The team came over to the chin up bar and held my arms as a 5th officer uncuffed one side and pulled them behind my back. They then kneed me down and began putting leg restraints on my legs, Due to my high blood pressure and poor circulation my left leg is so swollen the leg irons do not fit.
           
So what do they do, they force the too small leg irons on me hurting me. Something serious! I could not walk due to the discomfort and pain. They laid me on my side put me in a basket to carry me. They then placed me up on a gurney and wheeled me into the pod.  I was giving a speech on why I was protesting naming Issues! Like abuse of authority, Unsanitary conditions, poor medical help, that we don’t even get. Food loafs being used as punishment. (Food loaf) is to be the same food on the tray just in a loaf. Well they were only fixing corn bread and mixed vegetables with slivers of salami every now and then. Yet when we bring it to the attention of the officer well that’s what they sent for you, Rank says “I’ll look into it.  I wrote I-60 (inmate request forms to the kitchen capt.Jolly again “I’ll look into it”. Yet nothing is ever done!  So on we protest.  But back to me being packed back to my cell they lift me off the gurney in he basket and carry me up the stairs. Once at my door they set the basket down, lift me out of it and when the Lt. wanted to cut off my clothes!!!! I said “I’ve already been searched  ask Sgt Belhap he was there and don’t you know he said “I didn’t see! I was so mad he stood right there and lied. How did I get the cuffs if I had not been searched, so they humiliated me forced my shorts down to see my front and back lifted my shirt to see front and back and dug all in my underarms.
           
Then put me back in the basket and carried me into my cell. Officer Riley is a Cluts!

As he stands up some how he knocks off my table 2 small cups of juice, I large cup of juice and a tray of food all on to the floor. They roughed me up pretty good in the cell hurt my right shoulder and my legs then they leave.

That is the most painful UOF I had ever been in, and I never resisted.

The protest continues!!

20th May 2011

Well today I was flat out denied a shower because the Sgt. knew he was going to have a UOF (protest) My main protest is medical.  Each of us have issues that affect us more than others. But we have united to protest them all. Sgt. Grigsby came with the 2-Pod officers to pull me out for a shower. But before it got to that. I read the UOF police on the use of restraints.

The Procedure Reads:
Physical or mechanical restraint may be used to enforce agency policy and procedure, which includes the following situations. However, restraints shall not be used in such a way that is more confining than requird by the circumstances nor shall it be used as discipline. Due consideration must be given to the comfort and welfare of an offender, commensurate with an adequate degree of safety and level of restraint.
a.     Appropriate situations in which to restrain an offender.
5. When escorting administrative segregation, solitary or death row
     offenders, in accordance with post order (POJ-07,006 “segregation
    Officer”.

In the legal case Hudson v Mc Millian it talks about, there is a (routine discomfort) when placed in restraints.
Because of my size a single set of cuffs and normal (e.g irons) are too small. So to put me in them is painful. Think of it like this, Put your arms behind your back as far as you can, then have someone twist them even farther and restrain them like that.  My right shoulder feels like it is being pulled out of place just by walking like that.

So now we come back to the shower issue, Sgt. Grigsly sees and understands I need double cuffs minimum. But still refused to put me in anything more . He said his hands are tied and I said, even after you have seen policy that tells you otherwise, he said “Yes! It is a form of torture and it is a violation of my 8th Amendment against cruel and unusual punishment. Because that “Is” what is being done.

The Admin is using restraints as a punishment to try to curb or stop my protesting. I talk to Lt. Cabines he said, the reason they removed my medical pass was they showed the video of me handcuffing myself to the chin up bar and if i was that limber I did not need a medical pass. Now this is typical TDC for you.  What does me being able to lift my hands up over my head have to do with me putting them behind my back which is what my pass was for.

This is another reason we are protesting, you show the policy to the and they still do what they want until someone  “Out There” makes them do what is right.

What is sad is the Admin has taken things to a level of being personal. They are not doing what is right out of spite and that is what is th real travesty of it all.  So do we quit, ….I just don’t think so buddy!!!! Smile  I am about Sacrifice, so I will continue. I am not a horse to be broke I am hard headed and I’ve got a little spite in me too. So I will continue out of spite as well.

Until Next time
Will.

18th May 2011

LT. Helm had a minor UOF on me to put me in hand restraints, pulling my arms behind my back in such a way as to hurt me. Again not documented
(at my cell door)

***Please Note Latest update****

Steven Wood has now come off of his hunger strike

Steven has an execution date of  13th September 2011

******STEVEN WAS EXECUTED 13TH SEPT 2011******

17th May 2011

Officer Floyd had a minor UOF on me to put me in hand restraints again twisting my arms behind my back hurting me. Again not Documented (at my cell door)

16th May 2011

Funday Monday – Turned out to be not so much fun. As Steven Woods has joined the protest. But that is a good thing, what is bad is he is going on a Hunger strike to kill himself. Steven Wood is a friend of mine so that hurts me to know he is doing that to himself. See I know he will go through with it. In early 2007 he did a hunger strike and went 27 days it almost killed him then as his body began to shut down on him. He has hep.c  and his kidneys are already damaged from his life style before coming to Death Row. I am for sacrifice as Sacrifices is the only way change will come. But to forfeit ones life goes beyond my belief. Again this is my friend not just some inmate.  To me Death is not the answer. Yes I have changed my point of view and even wrote about it. As it only causes more pain,more victims. Not even for the man who abused me and killed my Mother. But that is something else.

Please help me, help us! I am very worried about Steve!


---- Later ----

I am away from him, so my update may be slow.  Also I had  a Minor UOF (Use of Force) done on me by Officer Sperlock who forced  my arms behind my back in such a way as to hurt me. It was not documented as a UOF. This was done at my cell door.

14th May 2011

OMG!!!!! I actually talked to a nurse today.  YES!!!!!  and she came to talk to me. So now maybe I might get something going on the medical front.

On the protest front it’s real quiet over here and that’s what they wanted to bust us up cuz “we feed off each other”  So this is their way of saying STOP.

The first shift will not pull me out of my cell, while all the rank is here they wait until night shift comes on, and nobody’s here to pull me out, any little thing to try and stop us.. I jack the run anyway as I’ve not had clean necessities in a week! and I needed some ibuprofen  for my back. Well guess what all of a sudden they go find the necessity  key and get me clean sheets and a towel and even got me some tooth brushes and tooth powder! How about that and the nurse got me some ibuprofen too!  IT DOES WORK The food has been hot here too. F-Pod food cart is just trash!  I know I said I’m on a section all by myself now, but also have been moved to A-Pod. So i know that does make a difference as this is their show pod.  Now I’m their prize display.  Don’t feed the Bear Extras!

Funday Monday is coming up! We’ll see what good stories there is to tell.
Smile, and peace, joy and happiness to you all.

Always with my best to you and yours
Will

12th May 2011

Just another day, the loneliness is getting in a little more now as there is no one here, so I sleep a little more and read a lot.  I just finished Excavation by James Rollins very good writer. I’ve read Amazonia and the Judas Strain both great books. I can’t wait to read more of his work.

Let’s see what the future holds—As the Protest Continues………

Maybe I’ll get to go to Medical
yeah Right!

11th May 2011

I see 2 people I believe to be from Huntsville outside my cell as the officers are feeding me, I tell them I want to talk to them. They act like they do not hear me and walk away. I wanted to talk to them and tell them why Officers are being assaulted, why we are having so many Use of Force’s.  Things are not right. They do not follow policy, If they did we would not have half as much problems that we do. But I did not know the officer broke the lock of my tray slot box and it needed to be fixed well. They came and fixe it alright. They put the lock on backwards, so the box would not open. It was locked closed. I find this out as they are going to feed me and can’t open. 2 hours later the Lt comes down and fixes the lock. Then 30-45 minutes later I get a tray. I won’t lie I wolfed it down as I was hungry.. watered down spaghetti.

10th May 2011

I am woke up to some banging. I go to the door and the 5 man team is taking my Comrade Christopher Young, down the stairs.  I holler  wha’ts up? Then I hear the Sgt. Timmons order him to walk to his newly assigned cell. Young refuses they roll him on his stomach and he looks up calling me Twin, as that is what we call each other..(hes black Im white) but we’ve had each others back for years) I see the hurt and pain in his eyes it kills me. My friend is taken away,, the shakedown team comes on the pod to pack his property.  As they are packing it up someone yells team on the pod, and they came to me, they are going to move me too. I tell them I need special hand cuffs due to my medical pass. The Sgt said No because I had slipped them I was to be placed in a set of regular cuffs, now I’m a big man 6’1 and 330lbs You have to force me in to them which hurts cuz it pulls my shoulders like they want to come out of place especially my right shoulder due to it being hurt in a use of force protest! and my wrist any amount of time in them cuts off the blood flow. That with the pressure is not nice. It’s painful to say the least! And then there is the leg iron issue, they want to put leg irons on me everywhere I go. Ok but the leg Iron is too small for my left ankle. Due to high blood pressure and poor blood circulation my legs swell up on me. So they have to force the iron on to my leg which hurts and cuts into my skin.  I’ve got scabs on both sides of my ankle because of this!  On 25th April 2011 I cuffed myself to the outside rec yard chin up bar in protest of medical and the inhumane conditions blood from me from 17th April in a MUOF  I cut my thumb on the screen and bleed just outside the rec yard door. There was a dead bird there too.

I'll write about that stuff later, sorry yes I am way behind (smile)  But the point is we get no medical, they take our sick calls but we do not go anywhere, sick call after sick call nothing!  I was able to get a night shift Lt. to get me to medical, but there are no Dr at night so  nothing happens.

An officer told me and the nurse secenginer (or something like that) said we do not get to see Medical because we are acting up! Protesting because we are protesting we can not get medical help. I’ve been dealing with lower back pain, I believe i’s my kidneys but because I can urinate ok they do nothing. I will continue to protest and fight for myself and the betterment of all inmates.  I was moved to a cell in a section all by myself total isolation. This is to try and stop me protesting. I don’t think so buddy!!

9th May 2011

I can tell this is going to be a long day.. Officer Seals came around asking about people going to rec and setting you up for what round you will go outside. 2 people out of F-Section at a time because there are 2 outside yards. It was set up with my neighbour to go out 3rd round.  Cool so I  go to sleep and wake up to a team coming on the pod. So I get up and see they had changed the Rec schedule all up. They did not put out the people who was scheduled to go out, they put my neighbour and Adams…  Well Mr Adams is protesting along with us, he tells th camera his issues as tey are packing him back to his cell, he gave a good speech they put out 2 more people. While these people are out, I find out that the Lt. has told the officers to not pull me out of my cell.  But the officer gives the excuse he’s checking into my Leg irons. 3rd round they skip me and put out Robert Will and Elijah Joubert. But before he goes out  we find out Officer Seals vr’d my comrade Youngs rec. Now that is bad way out of line and wrong. Not acceptable. The officer comes back and says Lt.Tolly did it. Lt.Tolly will make an issue or cause a problem just to come and fix it once the trouble gets started.  So he can say I fixed it.  Well it backfired on him cuz now both guys are laying it down and making the team pack them back to their cells. Now they put the section on “Behavioural lock down” .  It should have never gone to that, but it did and know we are mad.!  3 officers got assaulted because of that, 2 had urine mixed with something else and It was just straight urine. FOUL VERY FOUL  all of it all because Lt. Tolly wants to take recs from people and cause problems!  Sad very sad,but its the law of parties gray takes from us gray pays from us. They use the law of parties against us so now we are using it against them. Its working too!!

5th May 2011

LEVEL 3 F-POD

I was so looking forward to a special (lunch tray) today and it was trash! I told my comrade we need more people to go on hunger strike cuz that’s the only time the food really does get better, but as soon as no one is on hunger strike its back to trash.

May 5th is a holiday here in Texas, it has to do with the Alamo, Sad story really but hey what ever gets us good food works for me, except we got no good food.

Well its later in the evening and I see the staff are so short handed that a Sgt (Sgt Beverly) has to work on the pod as a pod officer—Inmate Robert Will is scheduled to go to rec, the Sgt. is in a pissy mood for having to work on the pod, so he is giving Rob Will a hard time. They are going back and forth when Sgt.Beverly shouts at Rob will  “I don’t care about you or your homeboys, They are going to kill y’all anyways”   That caused the whole section to go off. The Lt, came on the pod  and removed the Sgt. The pod was now settling down and everything was going good. They came and got me and put me in the shower, as I finished with my shower drying off I hear Sgt. Beverlys voice again, So I lookout tthe little window and ask the other officer Kelly who is that?  He tells me it is Sgt. Beverly  I give a deep sigh, thinking back to what he had just said,  a couple hours ago.

As I’m being hand cuffed to come out of the shower, the Sgt. puts (LEG IRONS) on my wrists, and he puts them on very loose too. So as i came out the left hand slipped off into my hand and I panicked as the shower door was opening, So I punched Sgt Beverly in the face the other officer jumped on me and they took me to the ground while I was down on the ground Sgt Beverly pulled his can of gas (mace) and sprayed me in the face.  He sprayed it so close the splash got all over the other officer. I could not see but I was fine other than that. They were coughing and carrying on.  After about 5 minutes the gas starts to burn and boy howdy my face was on fire, it got on my face, chest, stomach and arms, so once I was placed in the cell I went to wash it off, because it’s an oil base you just smear it around at first but as you use soup it comes off but the burn, now that stays for a while, even once the burn is gone and you go to sleep it comes back, Skin touching skin is bad for 2 days you will feel it and I did.